


Goodbye Arthur

by Suus_Arido



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Rejection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 10:10:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5123705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suus_Arido/pseuds/Suus_Arido
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>America has a confession to make to England. But does it still matter, knowing he was too late? 'I kept on rambling about how much I loved you. I remember you laughing and saying that you loved me too. But Arthur you misunderstood.'<br/>(Use of human names!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Goodbye Arthur

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: One-sided USUK! Please tell me if I made mistakes in my English. I hope you enjoy and remember to stay awesome!

Arthur was in a good mood the whole morning. Maybe it was because of the nice weather, or maybe it was because he finally had some alone time. Not that he disliked the company of others, it was just that his tea time was sacred and was most enjoyable in absolute silence. As he was pouring himself a cup of tea he could see the postman arrive at his front door. He quickly walked towards the hallway to receive his post.

As he looked through the different letters he received, he seated himself in his favourite chair. Taxes, meeting dates and letters from different countries. Nothing extraordinary. 'What have we got here?' He asked himself quietly as he saw a letter with a very interesting look to it. Its envelope was filled with little doodles. All of them were drawn with different types of pencils, colours and all were very childish looking. He had his suspicions from which person this letter originated. Arthur could only think off one person who would decorate anything like this. It had to be Alfred, also known as America.

As he gave the letter a quick look, he was a bit surprised to see that there had been a lot of sentences removed and added. As if Alfred couldn't decide what to write down.  
He noticed a photo was included in the letter and as he took a better look at it a bad feeling formed in his stomach.  
He started reading in the hope that feeling would disappear.

_Arthur,_

_If you read this then I've actually had the balls to go through with this. In that case I'll probably be far away by now. There is no need in trying to find me, because I don't want to be found. I've decided to leave for a while Arthur. I'm going to hit the road and figure some stuff out. No need to worry, the States can handle themselves easily and there is of course always Matthew who can help if there is trouble._  
_None of the people who do know my location will tell you were I am. They promised to keep that information secret. So let's start the real reason why I wrote you this letter._

_The truth is Arthur, there is a lot that I wanted to tell you. It was just never the right moment you know? I tried almost every day for the last couple of centuries but I just couldn't tell you. It was probably because I'm kind of scared you know?_

_You remember that Christmas evening in 2006? I got really wasted (not on purpose I swear to God) and you had to drag me home. I remember that night very snow was biting away at everything and I remember every cuss word you used. I kept on rambling about how much I loved you. I remember you laughing and saying that you loved me too. But Arthur you misunderstood._

_You've always seen me as your little brother. You even called me your most trusted friend. I'm happy that I earned that trust again, because I know that we've been through some pretty bad times. But I'm happy we've learned to communicate again. We became friends and equals in the end. That was more than I ever dreamed about it._

_But before I destroy this piece of paper, like I've done four times before by now, I need to tell you. Arthur the truth is, I love you. I Alfred Jones, am in love with you._

_I didn't always like you in the romantic way. I've loved you as a close friend, comrade and you've always been my closest ally. You were my hero, one of the people I cared for most. Those romantic didn't appear out of thin air. No they develop over the course of many years. I didn't want these feelings, so I've rejected them for such a long time. First because I was afraid to love another man. Later because I didn't want to love you, loving you like that felt wrong. I've struggled quite a lot with it. But at some point I managed to accept it. I looked myself in the eyes and told myself this was not just some silly little crush that would disappear. So I needed to confess. But as time continued I started losing courage._

_In the end you and Francis became a thing. I thought that you would break up. That it wouldn't work out and that I would be able to tell you. But as I saw you getting closer and closer I realised something. You are really in love with him don't you?_

_I was angry, jealous, sad. I hated you, Francis and most of all I hated myself. Because I knew that you would never see me as more than a friend. And that hurt. But seeing you happy? It made all the pain worth it. Because seeing your smile, seeing those eyes of you big with amusement, it was worth it. Seeing you happy is the best thing ever Arthur. I love you, and if Francis makes you happy then I'm happy too. I just couldn't lie to you anymore Arthur. Lying about this was wrong, always has been. You have to right to know the truth. I'm in love with you Arthur Kirkland, and I want you to know that I fully support your decisions. I wish both you and Francis the best of things. You both deserve it._

_It's time to let you go. Only then I will be able to move on. I'll come back when I'm ready for it. And I hope that when I return we will be able to stay friends. Because this shouldn't ruin our friendship. In the end you were right Arthur. Everyone deserves happiness, even countries like us._

_Goodbye,_

_Alfred Franklin Jones_  
_United States of America_

As the day made place for the night, stars started decorating the sky. Two people were doing two very different things. One was driving his car over an almost empty highway. His usually loud radio wasn't making any sound at the moment. He looked as the sun reached in the sky higher and higher. The other was sitting in his favourite chair. He was holding a letter and photo in his hands. His eyes were looking at nothing in particular. He was deep in thought, he looked lost.

Two very different people, walking on two very different paths. But maybe, maybe in the far future they will cross paths again. Maybe things will be different then.

Everything is possible.


	2. Hello Alfred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey, I heard that some people wanted a second part. So consider this an alternate ending. Another possibility. I hope you enjoy!

It was a day like any other when America decided to pack his stuff and move on to the next town. He would wake up, gather his few belongings and he would disappear. He'd been doing this for quite some time, always introducing himself as Alfred F. Jones. But always coming up with a new back story.

So really, it was a day like any other when he left the hotel. But as he checked out and searched for his car keys the receptionist suddenly called him out. 'Sir, mail has arrived for you.' She handed him a letter. The weight pressed in America's hand.

A year ago he'd written Arthur a letter. A letter that explained all. And he'd been running for a year too. The only contact he had with the outside world was with his boss. And honestly? They only talked briefly as America knew it would hurt too much to ask about current affairs in the world. As he left the hotel he held onto the letter tightly. He knew who had written it.

Nice paper, small but neat handwriting. Although the sharp edges indicated a certain boldness. England's hands must've been shaking as he wrote. The question was: Would he read it? As he stepped into the car he threw the letter on the passenger seat. But as he drove it kept staring at him angrily. _England_. It was unfair that at the thought of the country his heart started pounding faster. It was all quite unfair, but he knew very well that England nor he himself could be blamed for everything.

Bothered by his thoughts he pulled the break harshly and made his way to the side of the road. He should just get this over with. England had taken a year to reply to his letter. So it must have interesting content. He quickly opened the dammed thing.

_ Hello Alfred, _

_ I've been thinking about how to start my letter, for I think over the last few months. Should I write dear Alfred? Should I say America? Should I say greetings? Should I say hey? Writing letters these days is a hard thing to do. Electronic mail is very _ _ useful in that aspect. You can just delete your sentences like they never existed. _

_ I hope you're doing well wherever you may be. I have my suspicions that you may still reside in the States as I would have known if you were anywhere else. And I hope that you are still well informed about the state of affairs around the world too. As you may've seen on the news: I'm leaving the European Union. _

_ Something which was quite a surprise to many. France thinks I'm leaving him too. But he of all people should know that your heart should never rule your brain. The decisions that I make as country do not influence my personal relationships. At least, that's something I'm striving for. _

_ As I read my own words I realize I'm avoiding the real topic that I want to talk about. The topic being us. Just like you I decided a nice picture should be included. I like this one. All of us together. France always treated Canada as his son. I decided against raising you like that. Instead I would be your brother. _

_ Being there for you, protecting you from others who might harm you. And of course I knew that one day you would grow up and free yourself from my strings. The strings that I attached to you. Being a country is not easy. We both know this. We have to make decisions that we may regret for years.But in the end we all forgive. _

_ I've always loved our little family. Raising you and Canada was the best thing I've ever done. I've hopefully given you the love that I never got as a child.  You know who was there in my childhood? Brothers who hated me, and of course France. _

_ France was always there. And God did we hate each other. Sometimes we still do. Sometimes I want to punch him. And sometimes I just love him too much to ever leave him. Love is complicated, that's what I tell myself before I fall asleep. Which brings me to the topic at hand. You love me, in the romantic sense. _

_ And it would be decent of me to tell you how I feel about you. Alfred, know that I've always loved you.I've cared more for you than any other colony. I've loved you more than my own blood brothers. You were my brother, my enemy, my ally and my closest friend. We've been through so much. I would bend space and time if it meant seeing you smile. _

_ You've become such a great person. And I am a flawed creature. A flawed human and a flawed nation. As are you. But somehow you have always forced me to become a better version of myself. You love me. If possible you would never leave me, you wouldn't stop loving me even if I demanded you. I know this because I know you. _

_ We're both so stubborn. Let's cut the crap for once and be honest shall we? I don't think we can ever be together. And it breaks me to break us. Because after you confessed I kept thinking about what I feel for you. And I have to ask the question: Would our love be a healthy one Alfred? I sure do know the love between Francis and me is one formed from delusions. But we keep each other up in a world in which all will disappear. _

_ And I shall stay with him as long as he needs me to. He saved me Alfred. We saved each other. _

_ I never imagined us kissing. But after I read your letter it was all I could think about. All I could think about were the ''what if'' situations. But dwelling on questions is wrong. Instead we should focus on the future. My future has become crystal clear for me. _

_ I'm leaving the past. I'm going to bury it. I'll go see the grave every Sunday and put those nice blue flowers on it that you're so fond of. Francis loves me. Why I may never know. Do I love him? I know I once did. _

_ So I will ban you from my mind. I will ban the idea of holding your hand. I will put a law in place that forbids me to think about a potential first kiss between us. Too many things have broken under my touch. I  might want you. But as usual I'm late. I might want you, but I need Francis. I used to love him so much that it physically hurt. _

_ And I still love him, but just like all fire's the flame slowly grows smaller. And I want to stay at his side until the flame has perished and the ash has been blown away to unknown waters. And on that day I will write you again. And on that day I will explain to you why I love you. _

_ And why I can't imagine my life without you. On that day I will stand at your front door awkwardly and hold up a bouquet of flowers. I'll mention that you've gotten fatter and call you a twat. And if on that day you still haven't realized that you deserve better than me. That you can have anyone you want. If on that day you still love me, and will still hope, then I'll ask you out. And I will again bury the past to focus on our future. _

_ And I will make sure that our flame is like that of a phoenix. We'll burn, and we'll return. And I will love you till I stop existing, I will love you until my nation falls. Maybe in the next life we can meet again. _

_ Maybe we will be allowed to fall in love. Maybe as young teenagers. Maybe as adults. If you wait for me. Then I'll wait for you. So come back whenever you feel ready. And know that when you return I'll be there. Maybe a married man. Maybe a divorced one. Maybe a happy one. Maybe an angry one. Know that your brother loves you, Francis loves you. But I love you most. _

_ But in which way is up to you. _

_ Until next time, _

_ Arthur Kirkland  
United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland _

When America finished the letter he dropped it. A sea of emotions washed over him. His letter wasn't supposed to get a response. He wasn't supposed to get a response _like this_. For the first time in a long time Alfred felt a genuine smile cross his face. And he stared at their photo with a mix of happiness and nervousness.

Arthur had done his move. Now it was Alfred's turn to determine the future. And he knew it was going to be very complicated, and there was still the chance of rejection. But he was willing to jump into the deep for that. He'd always been a fan of adventures. And he wouldn't mind drowning if it was for hope. He started the car, music at full blast, and suddenly he noticed the sun through the clouds.

Fantastic.


End file.
